People talk about the breast vs bottle debate all the time. How formula feeding mothers are vilified and made to feel guilty for choosing a different way to feed their babies. Here's the thing, I am over here on the breastfeeding moms side and my story NEVER gets told.
Everyone knows that breastmilk is the best food that you can give your baby - science and doctors around the world are with me on that one. Many mothers and families choose to formula feed and that's fine. They came to that decision on their own and obviously considered all of the pros and cons for their family. I will never tell a formula feeding mother what she is doing is wrong or she is damaging her baby, it is just not my place as I am not living her life or raising her children. Choices are based on individual experience and I am a separate individual.
Here's my problem, we spend so much time concentrating on how "it's ok to formula feed" and "it's not a failure" - which are both true statements - but no one is allowed to say "just keep at it" or "ask for help if you need it" or tell pregnant women or new mothers how wonderful breastfeeding can be once you get past 'the hump'.
I am a part of many moms groups on facebook and always try to chime in with advice when a mother is having problems nursing her baby. I am trying to offer her support because remember - she CHOSE breastfeeding, she is asking for help so that she can KEEP CHOOSING breastfeeding. Yet out of the woodwork come all of these formula feeding mums talking about how hard breastfeeding was for them and how quitting was the best thing they ever did. Suddenly, my comments are seen as pushy and insensitive when I was just trying to offer the advice the mother was looking for.
Now how would all of these same formula feeding moms feel if I went and told a formula feeding mom how wonderful breastfeeding is and offered them tips on how to re-lactate and quit the bottle? Again, I would be seen as judging them, pushy and insensitive. The post would ignite with formula feeding moms joining together and my voice would of course get lost. (I would never do that anyway, because it isn't my place, but the 'vice versa' situation happens EVERY DAY)
What people need to realize is that the effort to normalize breastfeeding hasn't even really begun - it keeps getting sidelined by mothers who made a different choice ASSUMING that we as breastfeeders think is wrong. Formula feeders think that they are being attacked? Have you ever been asked to leave a public area for feeding your child? Do you have photos of your child drinking a bottle getting removed off of facebook?
I am also not a fan of the 'excuses' because they are so unnecessary!
"I did it so I could get some sleep"
"I did it so dad could bond with baby too"
Guess what, I want sleep too! and dad bonds with baby every night by bathing him, putting lotion on him and snuggling him at night. I have found a way to sleep and continue to nurse just as many nursing mothers have. Your choice was just that YOUR choice, you don't NEED to justify it to me or anyone.Just be happy with it like I am happy with mine!
As a breastfeeder it often seems like I am not allowed to have a voice, like my choice to feed my child should be taboo, not seen OR heard and the longer I keep at it the more quiet I should be.
I thought formula feeders wanted equality but if that's what they want then they already have it. All I want is equality - if you are allowed to share your experiences with breastfeeding good or bad then I am allowed to do the same. I am not rubbing it in your face that I am still breastfeeding, those are your own thoughts and feelings clouding your perception of my message. I feel like it has gone too far the other way, in our effort to save the feelings of one side, we are hurting the other.
Remember that it is a mother's choice how to feed her own baby. Maybe we should offer nothing but encouragement in the choice they've made, then if they decide to change, offer nothing but encouragement there....doesn't that make sense? If a mother is experiencing problems breastfeeding - help her overcome those problems and let her know she is not alone. If she decides she'd rather bottlefeed THEN you can talk about how you came to the same decision and how she is not alone.
As in all of my posts, I base my writing on personal experience and perception. Of course I use some generalizations because everyone is different. Some are not able to produce, some pump, some do both formula and breastmilk - all are great ways to feed baby!
