I have no idea what I am doing.

I wanted to chronicle the birth of my daughter. The day that made me a mommy. It was more than two years ago but I still remember every detail.

So here it is, the not at all inspiring but sometimes comical story of a sarcastic first time labourer:

Charlotte was due April 9th 2009. On April 7th, I declined my sisters' persistent invitations for trampoline parties, bumpy car rides, hot wings and any other "inducing methods" but I agreed to go out to eat...I would hardly be pregnant if I didn't agree to that! About a month earlier my car had died so I was driving my husband's old Buick. Something didn't quite feel right but I was determined to get that delicious food into my belly. 

As I pulled into the parking space, the brakes went out. I was able to stop using the emergency brake and quickly informed my sister of the problem. As she drove me home I joked "just watch, now that BOTH my cars are broken, I'm gonna go into labour tonight!"

Fast forward to 10:30pm that night. I was sitting in bed, once again debating the pros and cons or needing to pee vs moving. I decided in order to get the best sleep I possibly could (isn't that what they tell you? rest while you can? I don't know, never worked for me) I should get up and go pee. As I step out of the bed I feel a gush of liquid. I stop dead in my tracks. 

"What's wrong?" my husband asks

"Either my water just broke or I am REALLY embarrassed..." I replied, rushing to the bathroom leaving a very nervous husband behind. 

You betcha I grabbed my cell phone first! Right away I call my oldest sister and get her opinion on the situation, her exact words? "Well you sound just as terrified as I was so I'm guessing it was your water!" She was at my door within half an hour to take me to the hospital. Once there I endured the rudeness of triage, including "I want to get off on time tonight so you'd better keep your legs closed"... Thanks for the support Dr. Biatch. 2 hours short they sent me home, I had not yet begun dialating. 

At this point I kind of clocked out. On the way home my sister and my husband seemed to be high on adrenaline. Laughing, making all sorts of jokes, stopping for late night burgers....I was terrified. I didn't know what to think, what if they made a mistake? What if I don't get to the hospital in time? Plus contractions were starting and I cringed at every bump in the road. 

So now we are at about 2am. My sister had gone home and I was going to try this whole "resting" thing. At this point however, I was having some pretty strong back labour. Every time my back pain reached it's max I would yell "PRESS ON MY BACK, PRESS ON MY BACK!!!" ...I thought it helped but it probably didn't. 

TO BE CONTINUED.