Motherhood is:

I have often come across the quote "biology is the least of what makes a mother." and many variations including "father" and "parent".  So that got me thinking. What IS a mother? We all know mothers LOVE their children, but such a simple statement could never FULLY describe what a mother is to me, so I've come up with my own interpretations.

Motherhood is helping children reach THEIR potential, not YOUR ideals.

Motherhood is finding the courage to comfort as your knees are shaking.

Motherhood is beautiful.

Motherhood is snuggles at all the right times.

Motherhood is a shelter from the storm.

Motherhood is life-changing, for everyone involved.

Motherhood is like having another heart for each child, one that seems more fragile than their own.

Motherhood is like a book that re-writes itself everyday.

Motherhood is giving all you have, and wishing you had more.

Motherhood is under-rated.

Motherhood is safe.

Motherhood is worth every second.

Motherhood is holding back your giggles when your child 'misbehaves'.

Motherhood is love in it's truest form.

Motherhood is never finished.

Motherhood is all encompassing.

Motherhood is shaping the future.

I could write a million more...but at this current moment motherhood is calling ;)

Back in perspective: Ten things I love about you

While having a particularly hard day coping with the stresses of pregnancy, an active toddler and a never ending pile of chores I stumbled upon a blog post on one of my favourites Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
I thought it'd be a great exercise to calm me down and to put things back into perspective.

So Charlotte, these are ten of the things I absolutely adore about you.

1. Your sense of humor. You can find comedy in everything. You don't mind falling because it's funny, you love any sort of game and you love to make people laugh. This morning you walked around the kitchen with a  re-usable shopping bag on your head and as you bumped into the door frame yelled "Charlotte's funny girl".....How can anyone not love that attitude!

2. Your maternal instincts. I love seeing how you care for dolls, stuffed toys and real life animals. You "wear" your doll around the house in a makeshift baby carrier while giving it soft kisses on the forehead and speaking to it ever so softly. When you decide the doll is tired you wrap him up nicely in a blanket and place him gently in your bed. You love to hug and kiss all of your stuffed toys and treat them with the utmost gentleness. You love every single animal. You run up to them without fear and give them kisses. To our animals at home you let me know when you think they are hungry or need water and you try your best to give them little kisses on the mouth. I enjoy seeing you live with such love and I can only hope I am giving you all the love you deserve in return.

3. Your fearlessness. You will try anything once. Although sometimes it gives your poor mother a heart attack I admire how you just jump right in and experience life. I haven't yet found a food that you weren't willing to try, you clapped and laughed joyfully at the loud booms of the Canada Day fireworks at one year old, and you are the first kid running through the water at the splash pad to show them all how it's done.

4. Your love for your unborn baby brother. You are so thoughtful and you completely embrace an idea that I'm not sure you could completely understand. You try to put crackers in my belly button because "Jax is hungry" or a soother because "Jax is tired". I know things won't stay so simple when Jax is born but I love how you are just so open to loving him.

5. Your smile. This seems like a simple one, but I love how you smile with your whole face. How your eyes just sparkle and your cheeks get all rosy.  No inhibitions just pure joy. I wish that everyone would smile like that because it's infectious and the whole world would be happy :)

6. Your love of music. Most toddlers love music but I feel like it goes further with you. You know words to songs I don't even like! You can recognize songs from the first few notes and I always catch you singing to yourself as you play with your toys. Music has been such a big part of my life and I hope it can make you as happy as it has made me.

7. Your snuggles. Not just when you are tired or sick but the way you pry your arm in behind my back as we watch your favorite movie. It's so adorable that you'd want to have your arm around me when it's such a tiny little arm! I love how you think of snuggling me right in the middle of playing or while I am pushing a shopping cart, reminds me to appreciate all the little things.

8. Your amazing memory. I am seriously impressed when we go somewhere we haven't been in months and you recognize it, then you go so far as to ask if the friends you saw last time will be there! I know I am your mommy and everything you do amazes me but I feel like with that memory we could win so many Jeopardy games and pay for the best colleges in the world.

9. Your ticklish little bum. Something that might seem a little creepy if I didn't birth you. Mothers always think their babies' bums are just the cutest thing on the planet, but I get an extra little treat with you. If I pinch your bum you immediately start laughing hysterically and squirming uncontrollably. But heaven forbid I stop! Then I hear a faint little voice, out of breath from all the laughing ask "more tickling bum?"

10. Your love of books. You are definitely not the type who can have story time before bed. You get sooooo excited when listening to books that you bounce up and down in your seat and giggle the whole way through. Once I read one book I'd better settle in with you for an hour or so because I know I'll be reading every single book you own at least twice.

and just as an added bonus: I love that you are my little sidekick. Everywhere I go you exclaim "Charlotte coming too!" and if you need to go somewhere with daddy or with anyone else you ask "Mummy's coming too?" It makes me feel so loved and so appreciated <3.

Someone promised me NESTING!

So I am sitting at my computer, looking around. There are cheerios all over the floor, dishes in the sink, the stairs haven't been vacuumed in ....a long time, there are at least 4 loads of laundry to be done, 3 more that are cleaned but need folding, DD's room is filled with toys (no organization just EVERYWHERE), a useless shelf, a broken dresser, her bed plus her old toddler bed. That room, which needs to be made 'unisex' is still hot pink.

Baby to be has no bed for now, no car seat, his clothes are still in the shopping bags I brought them home in, I have THREE cloth diapers and no disposable. My room is a write-off, the 'linen' closet has everything in it but linen, the car needs to be cleaned out to FIT another car seat into. There's a lot to do!

Where is my nesting instinct? Where is that burst of energy and the undeniable urge to clean everything? The only urge I have is to nap! While other pregnant women I know have had their nurseries ready since 25 weeks, I am sitting here with six weeks to go and nothing done.

With DD I moved in mid-January before an April birth, by March I made sure everything was unpacked, the room was painted (my sister did that one, she had some sympathy nesting), the furniture was set up, the clothes were washed, things were organized, and re-organized and everything was calm. This time around I have no motivation. I know it NEEDS to be done, I state all the time that it needs to be done. But I am learning that no matter how much you talk about it, it actually takes effort to clean.

I've gotta say, I'm feelin' a little jipped.

....and then there were three

For the first half click here "I have no idea what I am doing"

So when I last left you I was sitting at home "getting comfortable" with the extreme pains in my back. For some reason, maybe to not seem like a wuss, I didn't want to make a big deal about them. My body, however, had a different path in mind. I began to vomit. Now lets focus on my, at the time, 20 year old husband. The guy who thought he'd never had kids, the guy who does not do well in stressful situations. He picked up the phone immediately and called my mother. I remember his words exactly. Imagine the most nervous voice you have ever heard, using all of his strength to push out the words "uhhhh, she's not doing very well"

Luckily my mum knew what to do and was there to pick us up as quickly as she could. Back to the hospital we went. Not to be smug but part of me was thinking "I told you so" to the silly doctor that didn't think I was going to be in active labour that night.

Now, maybe I am a drama queen, but when I tried to explain to the first nurse I came across in labour and delivery what was happening she did not bother sending me to triage. My breathlessness and grasping on to walls for support was convincing enough. She brought me immediately to the delivery room where I would soon meet my daughter. Time keeping was not the most important thing going through my mind at this point but I'd imagine we are about 2:30am-3am (My mother maintains her phone rang at 2:30am)

Once in the delivery room (and in my MORE than stylish hospital gown) I was 2cm dilated. We began the natural pain relief methods. Now you are about to learn about my impatience, try not to judge. First we tried the bath. My sister had told me wondrous things about the bath! I don't know if I thought the water was magic or something but I was sure pissed when it wasn't. We filled the whole bath with nice hot water and I got myself in there. The MINUTE I felt a contraction I said bitterly "it doesn't work" and got out. The nurse tried to tell me I needed to give it more time but come on. Why would I listen to her, SHE wasn't in labour! Maybe I thought I could just *will* my cervix open and we could just get on with it.

Next was the birthing ball. Again, no magic! What the hell! Everything felt stronger than it did at home and DH wasn't "hopping to" fast enough with the back pressing. I vomited again. They helped me back to my bed and checked again how dilated I was. Four whole centimeters. DH says to me "just keep barfing, you dilate two more centimeters everytime!"

It seemed like it was taking forever, yet at the same time, seemed like minutes. I wanted an epidural. I was not brave, I had not done research, I just knew the epidural was the strongest thing you could get and I wanted one. After about half an hour more the nurse came in and asked if I wanted one. It was the best thing I had heard all night!!  As they came in to prepare me for the epidural they asked my husband and mother to leave the room...seems odd even to this day. I held tightly to the nurse, nervous that somehow I would flinch and it would go in wrong. It didn't even hurt. This from the girl who faints at blood tests because she is so deathly afraid of needles. One pinch and it was over, nothing compared to a contraction.

I felt better immediately, they said 15 minutes, it was like 15 seconds. I believe this was more the power of my mind than anything. This puts us about 6am. The next few hours flew by. I chatted with nurses, tried to sleep, made hilarious jokes and enjoyed being waited on hand and foot. I intermittently had cervical exams, which I remember as being the WORST part of labour. Odd I know. The weird thing about the epidural is it takes away pain but not feeling. So I could feel them in there checkin around and I squirmed and complained like a mutha. It seemed like no time at all when they said "You are ten centimeters, we are going to wait about 45 mins longer to let your body do most of the work.

It was time! DH ran out to tell his mother (who had been waiting in the waiting room since 7 am, we were now 10-ish) The nurse jokingly took bets right before the pushing started. "What do you think time of birth will be?" It was 11 am. "11:30" said my mother, "12:30 " said DH...I wonder if he felt my eyes setting him on fire. "12:00" I said, and I deserved to be right. I pushed for over an hour. I felt the pressure building in each contraction and knew when to work WITH my body and when to breathe. Someone had told me going in that the pressure in your bottom felt like a 2L coke bottle shoved up your ass, with that in mind it wasn't so bad. The doctors started looking a little confused and said it had been taking a while. Then the OB exclaimed "she's sunny-side up!" How in the heck was I supposed to know what that was! As far as I knew, minutes later they said "stop pushing she's here"....DH later filled me in on the details of episiotomy, umbilical chord cutting and placenta. She was born at 12:02pm. If it was the price is right I would have won both showcases.

They immediately put her on my chest. That had been the most important thing to me going in and I was so thrilled. I said "she's so pretty" and almost as if I didn't notice everyone else was in awe too I repeated "really look at her she's just so pretty!!"  They cleaned her off and everyone wanted to just leave me to watch her being cleaned and weighed! Not on my watch, someone had to stay with me!

Once back in my arms I just stared at her again. She was so alert! Eyes, wide open and looking around. I said "Are you listening to your mummy talk?" then put my hand over my mouth to muffle the sound and joked "does this sound more familiar?" I just couldn't get over how much I loved her, how beautiful she was, how not one minute of the last 14 hours mattered. How my life up until that point didn't even matter. This beautiful baby girl was the only important thing in the world. She took to breastfeeding immediately (maybe a sign of what was to come, she'll eat anything!) and as they wheeled me out of the delivery room I stated "I'm going to have a million babies!" ....and reliving that experience in writing has only strengthened that desire.

I think she's still a little stunned while getting weighed.

Not everything went perfectly, I didn't 'enjoy' every minute, but I was satisfied with my first labouring experience. I love Charlotte so much and as I get closer to Jax's arrival I am not scared. I am excited. Not matter how much pain you experience or how you choose to birth your child, the moment you lock eyes for the first time is amazing and worth every second.

I have no idea what I am doing.

I wanted to chronicle the birth of my daughter. The day that made me a mommy. It was more than two years ago but I still remember every detail.

So here it is, the not at all inspiring but sometimes comical story of a sarcastic first time labourer:

Charlotte was due April 9th 2009. On April 7th, I declined my sisters' persistent invitations for trampoline parties, bumpy car rides, hot wings and any other "inducing methods" but I agreed to go out to eat...I would hardly be pregnant if I didn't agree to that! About a month earlier my car had died so I was driving my husband's old Buick. Something didn't quite feel right but I was determined to get that delicious food into my belly. 

As I pulled into the parking space, the brakes went out. I was able to stop using the emergency brake and quickly informed my sister of the problem. As she drove me home I joked "just watch, now that BOTH my cars are broken, I'm gonna go into labour tonight!"

Fast forward to 10:30pm that night. I was sitting in bed, once again debating the pros and cons or needing to pee vs moving. I decided in order to get the best sleep I possibly could (isn't that what they tell you? rest while you can? I don't know, never worked for me) I should get up and go pee. As I step out of the bed I feel a gush of liquid. I stop dead in my tracks. 

"What's wrong?" my husband asks

"Either my water just broke or I am REALLY embarrassed..." I replied, rushing to the bathroom leaving a very nervous husband behind. 

You betcha I grabbed my cell phone first! Right away I call my oldest sister and get her opinion on the situation, her exact words? "Well you sound just as terrified as I was so I'm guessing it was your water!" She was at my door within half an hour to take me to the hospital. Once there I endured the rudeness of triage, including "I want to get off on time tonight so you'd better keep your legs closed"... Thanks for the support Dr. Biatch. 2 hours short they sent me home, I had not yet begun dialating. 

At this point I kind of clocked out. On the way home my sister and my husband seemed to be high on adrenaline. Laughing, making all sorts of jokes, stopping for late night burgers....I was terrified. I didn't know what to think, what if they made a mistake? What if I don't get to the hospital in time? Plus contractions were starting and I cringed at every bump in the road. 

So now we are at about 2am. My sister had gone home and I was going to try this whole "resting" thing. At this point however, I was having some pretty strong back labour. Every time my back pain reached it's max I would yell "PRESS ON MY BACK, PRESS ON MY BACK!!!" ...I thought it helped but it probably didn't. 

TO BE CONTINUED. 

Don't you rain on my pregnancy parade

Hi, you may remember me from such pregnancies as my first (Aug 2008-Apr 2009) and my second ) Dec 2010 - present) I am the one with the super cute round belly.

When you are pregnant its like a built in conversation piece. "When are you due?" "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" etc etc. I don't mind these questions in the least! I am an attention-whore and I am not ashamed of it.  To get those out of the way, for those who are curious, Boy due August 22 (but if my suspicions are right he won't make me wait that long)

The following however, I do not appreciate and will no longer be responding to politely:

1 - "Oh my, it's getting close! Are you scared?"

No, I am not scared. Not only have I been there before but I believe that labour is an awesome journey ending with the most beautiful sight and greatest love you've ever seen. Yes, complications can happen, no labour isn't "easy", yes it could be long, yes it could be very painful, but why in the world would I want to tarnish my excitement about meeting my son with such negative feelings. I remember every detail of the birth of my daughter and no amount of pain can overshadow the immense joy I felt when I laid eyes on her.

2 - "You'll be so stressed! How will you handle two???"

Seeing as no first time mother has ever had a baby before (weird that I need to point that out) they don't know how they will handle ONE! Guess what! They make it work. So I don't know what two will be like but I will make it work the only way I know how and that it by letting my children guide me. Motherhood is a learning process and one that is constantly evolving. Even if I pretended to have ideas on how I might handle it, my new little baby and my beautiful toddler may have their own ideas.

3 - "You must be tired of being pregnant!"

Why? It's not the most comfortable way to spend nine months but what magic it is. Someone very close to me, who tragically suffered 4 miscarriages and had 4 successful, but complicated pregnancies, helped me put it into perspective. This pregnancy, my back hurts, my pelvic bone feels like its gonna snap, my nausea never quite went away, I am exhausted, I get a lot of stomach pain, heartburn, indigestion, swollen feet etc. But I'm still pregnant. Imagine what that means to someone who has lost so much. To still be pregnant, to still have a beautiful healthy baby growing inside of you. Now that I am pregnant for the second time and I know how amazing a mother's love can be for her child I find it even harder to complain. When my little man is making life unbearable I joke to myself about how much energy he'll have, or if he'll be a picky eater, or if he'll be stubborn like his daddy. All pregnant women have rough days, but try to think of the magic that comes along with it, don't just dwell on the bad. I am not tired of being pregnant just as I will never tire of being a mother, because my little man still needs me.

4 - Stranger speaking to my daughter "You're whole world is about to get turned upside down!"

Again with the negative, maybe this new baby will be the best thing to ever happen to her! Having a baby is a joyous occasion and should not be seen in any other light. Why not ask her if she's excited, or tell her how great it will be to have a little buddy right in the house. Telling her that he world is about to get turned upside down is like telling her that her mommy won't love her anymore, or she will no longer get any attention. Maybe your mom didn't love you stranger but I am gonna do my darndest to show BOTH my children everyday how amazing and important they are to me.

5 - ANYTHING to do with size or looks

I feel amazingly sexy, beautiful and confident while I am pregnant. I wear my big ol' belly like a badge of honour. There is NOTHING more beautiful than someone bringing life into the world. (It might be tied with a breastfeeding woman but thats another blog) I love my body pregnant. I would walk around in a bikini all day and not feel uncomfortable in the least. I am lucky and get a lot of compliments while I am pregnant, including that my belly is amazing and that I should be pregnant all the time. It's just something you hear all the time with  pregnancy "You're huge!" and "You must be ready to pop" and "Baby is not being very nice" Not only do I believe people forget how big you can get by the end, but EVERYONE has a different way of growing in pregnancy, sometimes even baby to baby. If it's inappropriate to say to a non-pregnant lady, you should probably sip your lips here too.


Pregnancy is in every way beautiful and should be treated as such. Don't try to make me hate pregnancy cuz I've got news for you. I'm having as many babies as I can and I will enjoy every minute of it.