Can a two-year old be a "bully?"

Two days ago I feared for my dog. My lovely daughter would find any projectile within reach, grab it, hurl it at the trembling puppy and laugh maniacally. When I would explain to her that she was hurting the dog, she joyfully exclaimed "Hurting Puppy!" and continued laughing. For some reason I immediately started remembering the early signs of a serial killer... maybe I watch too much Dr. Phil?

Today we spent the evening with two lovely young girls, and their mother feared for them. DD would push, tackle, hit, punch, steal from and any other violent and "bully like" behavior you can think of. DD simply thought it was funny. When the baby would cry, DD would laugh. Then the dreaded words came out of the other mother's mouth "she is bad" and "what a bully."

As mothers we deal with judgement every day of our lives. Is she dressed properly for the weather, is she eating right, is she well behaved, am I handling myself with grace, does she know her colors, does she listen etc etc. All of these judgments bother me but the one I fear most is my child being a "bully." I strive to teach her compassion for others and to treat people with love and respect and even though I try my best, I can't help but feel defeated when comments like that are made.

What can I really expect from a two-year old? Well according to my research: VIOLENCE.

According to an article published in the Globe and Mail,  Dr. Richard Tremblay says:

By the second year, aggressive behaviour peaks in temper tantrums, with slapping and pushing; according to Dr. Tremblay's work, a typical two-year-old, playing with others over the course of an hour, will commit one act of physical aggression for every four social interactions.


The article also states that at two years of age humans are their MOST VIOLENT, but are too uncoordinated   to do any serious damage.

I could quote article after article but they all state the same thing, the "terrible-twos" are a very violent and challenging age.

One reason for this is inability to express themselves. Imagine how frustrated you'd be if no one understood what you were trying to say, and the more you tried to be heard, the more punishment you received. Added to that, their brains are still developing and they are still learning impulse control, it's like the perfect storm! I've decided to stop time outs. I will address the behavior with my sweet little devil but why should I expect a two year old to act like an adult? The world would be a much better place if we understand and respect our children's limitations. I will try to not feel judged now that I know it's not just my kid.