War on Christmas - My Open Letter to Whiney Christians

First off, I am not lumping all Christians together, this note is just for the whiney ones. The ones filling my facebook with claims of a "war on Christmas" and how they no longer have freedom of religion. 

So you say there is a war on Christmas is there? You can't say Merry Christmas or Christmas tree anymore? hmmm Well first I ask who the heck is stopping you? We have a little thing here in Canada called freedom of speech an NOBODY is stopping you from saying anything.

And while you were shouting from the rooftops that Christmas was being pushed to the underground and how unfair it is that other religions get special priviledges and you get nothing. Last I checked Christmas was EVERYWHERE! There is a Santa in every mall, there is an entire radio station dedicated to Christmas music, all of your favorite shows are having Christmas episodes, Timmies had candy cane flavored coffee, Hot 89.9 wants you to donate food for the safe return of rudolph. I ask you where the spotlight on Hannukah is? or Eid? or Kwanzaa? or ANY other religion besides Christianity?

So what? A store puts up a sign that says "Happy Holidays" and that somehow infringes on your right to practice religion?

I am so sick of seeing facebook statuses about "being a proud Canadian and proud of our tradtions" since when has the country that is known for it's diversity and freedoms had only Christian traditions? "go back to where you came from" that's pretty much the most un-Canadian thing you can say. If you find it sa "crazy" and "ridiculous" that someone could be offended by you saying "Merry Christmas" why are you so offended by "Happy Holidays?"

Yes, it is STUPID to call it a Holiday tree as I don't think any other holiday uses a decorated evergreen as a symbol of the festivities. But saying Happy Holidays is about INCLUSION! If you don't want to say it fine, say Merry Christmas, no one cares that much.

So remember, you live in Canada, you have the right to speak as you please and celebrate as you please, but it is NOT within those rights and freedoms to have OTHERS speak and celebrate the same way. No one is stopping you from celebrating Christmas, it is even still dominating the mainstream even though I am almost certain we are no longer the majority.  Now stop whining and get on with the festivities.

My circumcision decision.

Before reading this, please note it is not meant to stir up controversy. This is my thought process when I was doing research and considering the options while pregnant with my son. If you came to a different decision it is none of my concern. People gave me all sorts of reasons why they made whatever choice they did and I respect that. You made your choice based on the values that were important to you, this was me sorting out what's important to me.  If you feel as though you might be offended please do not read this post as this is not intended to spark debate, just trying to provide information I discovered along my journey.


So the first step in my research was to ask around. I asked mothers of boys what they did. I found that most mothers I asked kept their boys intact stating "there is just no point". Those that chose to circumcise gave mostly the same reasons. I have listed them below, along with my research regarding them.

1. He should look like his dad.

When I heard this I was a little confused. Why? Why does he need to look like his dad? Personally I don't know what my dad's penis looks like and neither does my husband. Besides that, his dad's penis will be much larger and probably have hair surrounding it. Thats probably the difference my son will notice, not the foreskin. If you can explain the hair, you can explain why he has a foreskin. I have never been in the situation, but I would imagine my sons reaction wouldn't be "I want a piece of my penis cut off too!" it would more likely be "poor daddy." Besides that, my husband is never home, so I will be the one potty training him, and heaven knows my parts don't look anything like his!

2. Doctors recommend it

My doctor doesn't. So I asked her about it. She says that some doctors are behind the times and are not up to date in their research. In fact they are going against their own medical associations by doing that and could face troubles with their license. No medical association in the world recommends routine infant circumcision. According to the Canadian Pediatric society, the risks and costs involved in the process is greater than any risk associated with leaving baby boys intact.

Here is the link to the Canadian Pediatric Society report on the subject.

3. It's easier to take care of

Another thing I had to look into having never had a penis before! The proper way to clean an intact penis? Wipe it off like you would a finger. How is doing nothing harder?? I would imagine that wiping it off is actually much easier than the gauze and vaseline procedure that comes along with post-procedure diaper changes.

4. It's cleaner

Another one I had to look into! I discovered that the foreskin is there to protect the glans (which is the internal part of the genitalia in both males and females) which is very important especially in the diaper wearing years. My doctor informed me that until the foreskin retracts on its own (which can occur any time between age 5 and puberty) it should not be touched, it is basically a self cleaning device much like the female's vagina. (Thats why it is never recommended to use a douche)

5. It protects against STDs.

You know what else protects against STDs? CONDOMS! and every male should be wearing one circumcised or not! In my research the higher incidence of STDs was minimal but it was there. To me I don't think surgery as an infant should replace talking to your kids about safe sex.

6. It looks better/women prefer it

How do we as parents know what our children's sexual partners will prefer? And since one of the functions of the foreskin is to reach the female's g-spot I'd imagine that female wouldn't mind it. Did you know that the risk or erectile dysfunction is 4.5 times higher in circumcised males?? The most sensitive part of their penis is constantly exposed to stimuli and therefore loses sensation. As far as looks go, the difference is only apparent when the penis is flaccid. When erection occurs the foreskin retracts and all the penises look the same (well, the circumcised one might be a little more veiny...and sometimes crooked) Besides that - since when do we preform procedures on our children just for them to "look better"? Baby cosmetic surgery? it's just a weird idea to me.

9. It's better to do it as babies because it won't hurt as much

This one I had to go to my aunt about. She is a child pain specialist in the UK. She laughed when I asked her. Hurts less? It's excruciating! After studying brain patterns during procedures she doesn't understand why anyone would think that. Remember, that baby is TINY. He can't take pain killers, they use a light topical anesthetic and snip away. If the man chooses to get it done as an adult he can have pain killers for the procedure and the recovery - seems a little more fair to me.

10, It's a family decision

This is usually the polite way for people to say "I don't want to talk about it" which is fine, they don't have to. But I asked myself = why is it a family decision. Why is it not HIS decision. I would be a little upset if my family got together and decided something so permanent about MY body without consulting me. If it was medically necessary THEN I would understand that the parents have to make a choice, but it isn't so I don't get it.

11. (I really wish I had only 10 but this is the last one I swear) It's the norm.

Maybe when we were babies it was the norm in Canada but the truth it it isn't even close. Did you know that the worldwide rate in 2006 was below 10%?? and that fewer than 14% of male neonates were circumcised in Canada in 2003?

Did you know that that same list of reasons is why female circumcision (or as you might know it "genital mutilation") is practiced in countries like Africa? (remember when we were all up in arms about that?)

After I answered all of those questions in my head I had learned WAY more than just those answers. Stuff that I am not sure most people realize.

Did you know that circumcision effects the child's ability to breastfeed?

Did you know that 117 babies DIE as a result of circumcision in the US every year? Thats more than car accidents, second hand smoke and SIDS.

Did you know that infections that occur BECAUSE of circumcision are at a higher rate than the ones they supposedly prevent?

The list of risks associated with circumcision is much longer than the "risk" of keeping them intact.

Well its obvious the choice I made and I hope that if any one else is faced with the decision they do as much research into it as I did.

Thank you for your time.

Motherhood is:

I have often come across the quote "biology is the least of what makes a mother." and many variations including "father" and "parent".  So that got me thinking. What IS a mother? We all know mothers LOVE their children, but such a simple statement could never FULLY describe what a mother is to me, so I've come up with my own interpretations.

Motherhood is helping children reach THEIR potential, not YOUR ideals.

Motherhood is finding the courage to comfort as your knees are shaking.

Motherhood is beautiful.

Motherhood is snuggles at all the right times.

Motherhood is a shelter from the storm.

Motherhood is life-changing, for everyone involved.

Motherhood is like having another heart for each child, one that seems more fragile than their own.

Motherhood is like a book that re-writes itself everyday.

Motherhood is giving all you have, and wishing you had more.

Motherhood is under-rated.

Motherhood is safe.

Motherhood is worth every second.

Motherhood is holding back your giggles when your child 'misbehaves'.

Motherhood is love in it's truest form.

Motherhood is never finished.

Motherhood is all encompassing.

Motherhood is shaping the future.

I could write a million more...but at this current moment motherhood is calling ;)

Back in perspective: Ten things I love about you

While having a particularly hard day coping with the stresses of pregnancy, an active toddler and a never ending pile of chores I stumbled upon a blog post on one of my favourites Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
I thought it'd be a great exercise to calm me down and to put things back into perspective.

So Charlotte, these are ten of the things I absolutely adore about you.

1. Your sense of humor. You can find comedy in everything. You don't mind falling because it's funny, you love any sort of game and you love to make people laugh. This morning you walked around the kitchen with a  re-usable shopping bag on your head and as you bumped into the door frame yelled "Charlotte's funny girl".....How can anyone not love that attitude!

2. Your maternal instincts. I love seeing how you care for dolls, stuffed toys and real life animals. You "wear" your doll around the house in a makeshift baby carrier while giving it soft kisses on the forehead and speaking to it ever so softly. When you decide the doll is tired you wrap him up nicely in a blanket and place him gently in your bed. You love to hug and kiss all of your stuffed toys and treat them with the utmost gentleness. You love every single animal. You run up to them without fear and give them kisses. To our animals at home you let me know when you think they are hungry or need water and you try your best to give them little kisses on the mouth. I enjoy seeing you live with such love and I can only hope I am giving you all the love you deserve in return.

3. Your fearlessness. You will try anything once. Although sometimes it gives your poor mother a heart attack I admire how you just jump right in and experience life. I haven't yet found a food that you weren't willing to try, you clapped and laughed joyfully at the loud booms of the Canada Day fireworks at one year old, and you are the first kid running through the water at the splash pad to show them all how it's done.

4. Your love for your unborn baby brother. You are so thoughtful and you completely embrace an idea that I'm not sure you could completely understand. You try to put crackers in my belly button because "Jax is hungry" or a soother because "Jax is tired". I know things won't stay so simple when Jax is born but I love how you are just so open to loving him.

5. Your smile. This seems like a simple one, but I love how you smile with your whole face. How your eyes just sparkle and your cheeks get all rosy.  No inhibitions just pure joy. I wish that everyone would smile like that because it's infectious and the whole world would be happy :)

6. Your love of music. Most toddlers love music but I feel like it goes further with you. You know words to songs I don't even like! You can recognize songs from the first few notes and I always catch you singing to yourself as you play with your toys. Music has been such a big part of my life and I hope it can make you as happy as it has made me.

7. Your snuggles. Not just when you are tired or sick but the way you pry your arm in behind my back as we watch your favorite movie. It's so adorable that you'd want to have your arm around me when it's such a tiny little arm! I love how you think of snuggling me right in the middle of playing or while I am pushing a shopping cart, reminds me to appreciate all the little things.

8. Your amazing memory. I am seriously impressed when we go somewhere we haven't been in months and you recognize it, then you go so far as to ask if the friends you saw last time will be there! I know I am your mommy and everything you do amazes me but I feel like with that memory we could win so many Jeopardy games and pay for the best colleges in the world.

9. Your ticklish little bum. Something that might seem a little creepy if I didn't birth you. Mothers always think their babies' bums are just the cutest thing on the planet, but I get an extra little treat with you. If I pinch your bum you immediately start laughing hysterically and squirming uncontrollably. But heaven forbid I stop! Then I hear a faint little voice, out of breath from all the laughing ask "more tickling bum?"

10. Your love of books. You are definitely not the type who can have story time before bed. You get sooooo excited when listening to books that you bounce up and down in your seat and giggle the whole way through. Once I read one book I'd better settle in with you for an hour or so because I know I'll be reading every single book you own at least twice.

and just as an added bonus: I love that you are my little sidekick. Everywhere I go you exclaim "Charlotte coming too!" and if you need to go somewhere with daddy or with anyone else you ask "Mummy's coming too?" It makes me feel so loved and so appreciated <3.

Someone promised me NESTING!

So I am sitting at my computer, looking around. There are cheerios all over the floor, dishes in the sink, the stairs haven't been vacuumed in ....a long time, there are at least 4 loads of laundry to be done, 3 more that are cleaned but need folding, DD's room is filled with toys (no organization just EVERYWHERE), a useless shelf, a broken dresser, her bed plus her old toddler bed. That room, which needs to be made 'unisex' is still hot pink.

Baby to be has no bed for now, no car seat, his clothes are still in the shopping bags I brought them home in, I have THREE cloth diapers and no disposable. My room is a write-off, the 'linen' closet has everything in it but linen, the car needs to be cleaned out to FIT another car seat into. There's a lot to do!

Where is my nesting instinct? Where is that burst of energy and the undeniable urge to clean everything? The only urge I have is to nap! While other pregnant women I know have had their nurseries ready since 25 weeks, I am sitting here with six weeks to go and nothing done.

With DD I moved in mid-January before an April birth, by March I made sure everything was unpacked, the room was painted (my sister did that one, she had some sympathy nesting), the furniture was set up, the clothes were washed, things were organized, and re-organized and everything was calm. This time around I have no motivation. I know it NEEDS to be done, I state all the time that it needs to be done. But I am learning that no matter how much you talk about it, it actually takes effort to clean.

I've gotta say, I'm feelin' a little jipped.

....and then there were three

For the first half click here "I have no idea what I am doing"

So when I last left you I was sitting at home "getting comfortable" with the extreme pains in my back. For some reason, maybe to not seem like a wuss, I didn't want to make a big deal about them. My body, however, had a different path in mind. I began to vomit. Now lets focus on my, at the time, 20 year old husband. The guy who thought he'd never had kids, the guy who does not do well in stressful situations. He picked up the phone immediately and called my mother. I remember his words exactly. Imagine the most nervous voice you have ever heard, using all of his strength to push out the words "uhhhh, she's not doing very well"

Luckily my mum knew what to do and was there to pick us up as quickly as she could. Back to the hospital we went. Not to be smug but part of me was thinking "I told you so" to the silly doctor that didn't think I was going to be in active labour that night.

Now, maybe I am a drama queen, but when I tried to explain to the first nurse I came across in labour and delivery what was happening she did not bother sending me to triage. My breathlessness and grasping on to walls for support was convincing enough. She brought me immediately to the delivery room where I would soon meet my daughter. Time keeping was not the most important thing going through my mind at this point but I'd imagine we are about 2:30am-3am (My mother maintains her phone rang at 2:30am)

Once in the delivery room (and in my MORE than stylish hospital gown) I was 2cm dilated. We began the natural pain relief methods. Now you are about to learn about my impatience, try not to judge. First we tried the bath. My sister had told me wondrous things about the bath! I don't know if I thought the water was magic or something but I was sure pissed when it wasn't. We filled the whole bath with nice hot water and I got myself in there. The MINUTE I felt a contraction I said bitterly "it doesn't work" and got out. The nurse tried to tell me I needed to give it more time but come on. Why would I listen to her, SHE wasn't in labour! Maybe I thought I could just *will* my cervix open and we could just get on with it.

Next was the birthing ball. Again, no magic! What the hell! Everything felt stronger than it did at home and DH wasn't "hopping to" fast enough with the back pressing. I vomited again. They helped me back to my bed and checked again how dilated I was. Four whole centimeters. DH says to me "just keep barfing, you dilate two more centimeters everytime!"

It seemed like it was taking forever, yet at the same time, seemed like minutes. I wanted an epidural. I was not brave, I had not done research, I just knew the epidural was the strongest thing you could get and I wanted one. After about half an hour more the nurse came in and asked if I wanted one. It was the best thing I had heard all night!!  As they came in to prepare me for the epidural they asked my husband and mother to leave the room...seems odd even to this day. I held tightly to the nurse, nervous that somehow I would flinch and it would go in wrong. It didn't even hurt. This from the girl who faints at blood tests because she is so deathly afraid of needles. One pinch and it was over, nothing compared to a contraction.

I felt better immediately, they said 15 minutes, it was like 15 seconds. I believe this was more the power of my mind than anything. This puts us about 6am. The next few hours flew by. I chatted with nurses, tried to sleep, made hilarious jokes and enjoyed being waited on hand and foot. I intermittently had cervical exams, which I remember as being the WORST part of labour. Odd I know. The weird thing about the epidural is it takes away pain but not feeling. So I could feel them in there checkin around and I squirmed and complained like a mutha. It seemed like no time at all when they said "You are ten centimeters, we are going to wait about 45 mins longer to let your body do most of the work.

It was time! DH ran out to tell his mother (who had been waiting in the waiting room since 7 am, we were now 10-ish) The nurse jokingly took bets right before the pushing started. "What do you think time of birth will be?" It was 11 am. "11:30" said my mother, "12:30 " said DH...I wonder if he felt my eyes setting him on fire. "12:00" I said, and I deserved to be right. I pushed for over an hour. I felt the pressure building in each contraction and knew when to work WITH my body and when to breathe. Someone had told me going in that the pressure in your bottom felt like a 2L coke bottle shoved up your ass, with that in mind it wasn't so bad. The doctors started looking a little confused and said it had been taking a while. Then the OB exclaimed "she's sunny-side up!" How in the heck was I supposed to know what that was! As far as I knew, minutes later they said "stop pushing she's here"....DH later filled me in on the details of episiotomy, umbilical chord cutting and placenta. She was born at 12:02pm. If it was the price is right I would have won both showcases.

They immediately put her on my chest. That had been the most important thing to me going in and I was so thrilled. I said "she's so pretty" and almost as if I didn't notice everyone else was in awe too I repeated "really look at her she's just so pretty!!"  They cleaned her off and everyone wanted to just leave me to watch her being cleaned and weighed! Not on my watch, someone had to stay with me!

Once back in my arms I just stared at her again. She was so alert! Eyes, wide open and looking around. I said "Are you listening to your mummy talk?" then put my hand over my mouth to muffle the sound and joked "does this sound more familiar?" I just couldn't get over how much I loved her, how beautiful she was, how not one minute of the last 14 hours mattered. How my life up until that point didn't even matter. This beautiful baby girl was the only important thing in the world. She took to breastfeeding immediately (maybe a sign of what was to come, she'll eat anything!) and as they wheeled me out of the delivery room I stated "I'm going to have a million babies!" ....and reliving that experience in writing has only strengthened that desire.

I think she's still a little stunned while getting weighed.

Not everything went perfectly, I didn't 'enjoy' every minute, but I was satisfied with my first labouring experience. I love Charlotte so much and as I get closer to Jax's arrival I am not scared. I am excited. Not matter how much pain you experience or how you choose to birth your child, the moment you lock eyes for the first time is amazing and worth every second.

I have no idea what I am doing.

I wanted to chronicle the birth of my daughter. The day that made me a mommy. It was more than two years ago but I still remember every detail.

So here it is, the not at all inspiring but sometimes comical story of a sarcastic first time labourer:

Charlotte was due April 9th 2009. On April 7th, I declined my sisters' persistent invitations for trampoline parties, bumpy car rides, hot wings and any other "inducing methods" but I agreed to go out to eat...I would hardly be pregnant if I didn't agree to that! About a month earlier my car had died so I was driving my husband's old Buick. Something didn't quite feel right but I was determined to get that delicious food into my belly. 

As I pulled into the parking space, the brakes went out. I was able to stop using the emergency brake and quickly informed my sister of the problem. As she drove me home I joked "just watch, now that BOTH my cars are broken, I'm gonna go into labour tonight!"

Fast forward to 10:30pm that night. I was sitting in bed, once again debating the pros and cons or needing to pee vs moving. I decided in order to get the best sleep I possibly could (isn't that what they tell you? rest while you can? I don't know, never worked for me) I should get up and go pee. As I step out of the bed I feel a gush of liquid. I stop dead in my tracks. 

"What's wrong?" my husband asks

"Either my water just broke or I am REALLY embarrassed..." I replied, rushing to the bathroom leaving a very nervous husband behind. 

You betcha I grabbed my cell phone first! Right away I call my oldest sister and get her opinion on the situation, her exact words? "Well you sound just as terrified as I was so I'm guessing it was your water!" She was at my door within half an hour to take me to the hospital. Once there I endured the rudeness of triage, including "I want to get off on time tonight so you'd better keep your legs closed"... Thanks for the support Dr. Biatch. 2 hours short they sent me home, I had not yet begun dialating. 

At this point I kind of clocked out. On the way home my sister and my husband seemed to be high on adrenaline. Laughing, making all sorts of jokes, stopping for late night burgers....I was terrified. I didn't know what to think, what if they made a mistake? What if I don't get to the hospital in time? Plus contractions were starting and I cringed at every bump in the road. 

So now we are at about 2am. My sister had gone home and I was going to try this whole "resting" thing. At this point however, I was having some pretty strong back labour. Every time my back pain reached it's max I would yell "PRESS ON MY BACK, PRESS ON MY BACK!!!" ...I thought it helped but it probably didn't. 

TO BE CONTINUED. 

Don't you rain on my pregnancy parade

Hi, you may remember me from such pregnancies as my first (Aug 2008-Apr 2009) and my second ) Dec 2010 - present) I am the one with the super cute round belly.

When you are pregnant its like a built in conversation piece. "When are you due?" "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" etc etc. I don't mind these questions in the least! I am an attention-whore and I am not ashamed of it.  To get those out of the way, for those who are curious, Boy due August 22 (but if my suspicions are right he won't make me wait that long)

The following however, I do not appreciate and will no longer be responding to politely:

1 - "Oh my, it's getting close! Are you scared?"

No, I am not scared. Not only have I been there before but I believe that labour is an awesome journey ending with the most beautiful sight and greatest love you've ever seen. Yes, complications can happen, no labour isn't "easy", yes it could be long, yes it could be very painful, but why in the world would I want to tarnish my excitement about meeting my son with such negative feelings. I remember every detail of the birth of my daughter and no amount of pain can overshadow the immense joy I felt when I laid eyes on her.

2 - "You'll be so stressed! How will you handle two???"

Seeing as no first time mother has ever had a baby before (weird that I need to point that out) they don't know how they will handle ONE! Guess what! They make it work. So I don't know what two will be like but I will make it work the only way I know how and that it by letting my children guide me. Motherhood is a learning process and one that is constantly evolving. Even if I pretended to have ideas on how I might handle it, my new little baby and my beautiful toddler may have their own ideas.

3 - "You must be tired of being pregnant!"

Why? It's not the most comfortable way to spend nine months but what magic it is. Someone very close to me, who tragically suffered 4 miscarriages and had 4 successful, but complicated pregnancies, helped me put it into perspective. This pregnancy, my back hurts, my pelvic bone feels like its gonna snap, my nausea never quite went away, I am exhausted, I get a lot of stomach pain, heartburn, indigestion, swollen feet etc. But I'm still pregnant. Imagine what that means to someone who has lost so much. To still be pregnant, to still have a beautiful healthy baby growing inside of you. Now that I am pregnant for the second time and I know how amazing a mother's love can be for her child I find it even harder to complain. When my little man is making life unbearable I joke to myself about how much energy he'll have, or if he'll be a picky eater, or if he'll be stubborn like his daddy. All pregnant women have rough days, but try to think of the magic that comes along with it, don't just dwell on the bad. I am not tired of being pregnant just as I will never tire of being a mother, because my little man still needs me.

4 - Stranger speaking to my daughter "You're whole world is about to get turned upside down!"

Again with the negative, maybe this new baby will be the best thing to ever happen to her! Having a baby is a joyous occasion and should not be seen in any other light. Why not ask her if she's excited, or tell her how great it will be to have a little buddy right in the house. Telling her that he world is about to get turned upside down is like telling her that her mommy won't love her anymore, or she will no longer get any attention. Maybe your mom didn't love you stranger but I am gonna do my darndest to show BOTH my children everyday how amazing and important they are to me.

5 - ANYTHING to do with size or looks

I feel amazingly sexy, beautiful and confident while I am pregnant. I wear my big ol' belly like a badge of honour. There is NOTHING more beautiful than someone bringing life into the world. (It might be tied with a breastfeeding woman but thats another blog) I love my body pregnant. I would walk around in a bikini all day and not feel uncomfortable in the least. I am lucky and get a lot of compliments while I am pregnant, including that my belly is amazing and that I should be pregnant all the time. It's just something you hear all the time with  pregnancy "You're huge!" and "You must be ready to pop" and "Baby is not being very nice" Not only do I believe people forget how big you can get by the end, but EVERYONE has a different way of growing in pregnancy, sometimes even baby to baby. If it's inappropriate to say to a non-pregnant lady, you should probably sip your lips here too.


Pregnancy is in every way beautiful and should be treated as such. Don't try to make me hate pregnancy cuz I've got news for you. I'm having as many babies as I can and I will enjoy every minute of it.

I'm not as good of a mother as you are OK?

Competitive moms. It's one of the most addressed subjects on "mommy blogs", shows like The Mom Show and in little gossip circles that seem to form at playgroup. Everyone hates 'em, but we are all just a teeny bit guilty of it sometimes. There is a difference between sharing stories and being competitive, but its a very fine line and one that's too often crossed. People always address the "obvious" ways of competing, one mother is so proud that her little one took his first steps and another just HAS to mention that hers did the same but 2 months earlier. I've noticed that people are trying to squash that behavior and I am seeing it less and less. However there are a couple of other forms of competition that are less obvious, but in my opinion just as annoying.

First you have the "fake interest" response. Saying something generic like "so cute" or "how exciting" and then quickly changing the subject to their own child. Don't be fooled, it's just as annoying. Mothers talk about their children's achievements because they are proud of them, and they are filled with joy. Switching the subject to your own child just takes away from their moment. Why can't you just be happy for them? Save your story for another day. I know that mothers aren't meaning to do this, I know that they are just trying to share in the happiness or add to the conversation but in my opinion, just let them have their moment.

Second you have the negative competition. I have never seen this addressed before and I find it the oddest phenomenon ever. One mother says how tired they are, "LO woke up at 4:30am ready for the day!" and the other says "Ya, mine wakes up at 4:30 like everyday, he is a terrible sleeper." Again this is not as obvious a competition but why can't the first mother just be tired?  I feel like when mothers try to 'up the ante' in a conversation they are belittling the others' feelings. This is the one that I experience the most often, mainly because I am always tired. Motherhood is tiring, it is stressful, and it is hard. Your journey doesn't have to be more tiring, more stressful or harder for me to support you, and I ask that you simply support me.

If you are experiencing any form of competition and you want the cycle to stop, here are some tips:

1. Don't get sucked in.
If you are looking for support or for someone to be happy for you, and all you are getting is stories about another child, don't engage, let them have this one. There are plenty of people who will give you the reaction you are looking for. Your parents for one, they probably wish they could just watch your child's whole life on video and would delight in any story you tell.

2. Lead by example
This is the method I am trying out now. As a new parent I wanted to talk about my DD every second of everyday. Now I step back and I think, other mothers want to do it too and who am I to take that away from them? I am making an effort to support my friends and their children. If someone posts a photo of their child, or a status of facebook or introduce the subject in conversation, I am making a conscious effort not to mention mine. Everyone will have a turn, don't think you are somehow diminishing your child's importance.

3. Take people for what they are
If you always find that as soon as you mention anything to a specific person all they want to talk about is their own child or their own life, don't look to that person for support. You only have power over your own actions, don't expect to change the world, continuing to rely on that person for something they will never give you is setting yourself up for disappointment.

4. Address the situation
This one is not for the faint at heart because people get very defensive of their own behavior. If you have a close enough relationship then approach it openly and honestly in private. Remember, if you are asking this of someone else, you'd better refer to tip #2, there is nothing worse than a hypocrite.

5. Write a blog!
Really I just couldn't think of another tip. However, if you feel as though you need an outlet, either to complain about pet peeves or to brag about your child, go for it! Don't put it on facebook where everyone can see, write it somewhere else and only interested parties will read it. Better yet, have a notebook next to your bed and write about all of your feelings or your child's accomplishments. It might be nice for them to read through when they have children of their own.

In conclusion, every parent's child is the most important thing in the world to them. Sometimes, let it just be my kid and I promise to let it just be yours.

Can a two-year old be a "bully?"

Two days ago I feared for my dog. My lovely daughter would find any projectile within reach, grab it, hurl it at the trembling puppy and laugh maniacally. When I would explain to her that she was hurting the dog, she joyfully exclaimed "Hurting Puppy!" and continued laughing. For some reason I immediately started remembering the early signs of a serial killer... maybe I watch too much Dr. Phil?

Today we spent the evening with two lovely young girls, and their mother feared for them. DD would push, tackle, hit, punch, steal from and any other violent and "bully like" behavior you can think of. DD simply thought it was funny. When the baby would cry, DD would laugh. Then the dreaded words came out of the other mother's mouth "she is bad" and "what a bully."

As mothers we deal with judgement every day of our lives. Is she dressed properly for the weather, is she eating right, is she well behaved, am I handling myself with grace, does she know her colors, does she listen etc etc. All of these judgments bother me but the one I fear most is my child being a "bully." I strive to teach her compassion for others and to treat people with love and respect and even though I try my best, I can't help but feel defeated when comments like that are made.

What can I really expect from a two-year old? Well according to my research: VIOLENCE.

According to an article published in the Globe and Mail,  Dr. Richard Tremblay says:

By the second year, aggressive behaviour peaks in temper tantrums, with slapping and pushing; according to Dr. Tremblay's work, a typical two-year-old, playing with others over the course of an hour, will commit one act of physical aggression for every four social interactions.


The article also states that at two years of age humans are their MOST VIOLENT, but are too uncoordinated   to do any serious damage.

I could quote article after article but they all state the same thing, the "terrible-twos" are a very violent and challenging age.

One reason for this is inability to express themselves. Imagine how frustrated you'd be if no one understood what you were trying to say, and the more you tried to be heard, the more punishment you received. Added to that, their brains are still developing and they are still learning impulse control, it's like the perfect storm! I've decided to stop time outs. I will address the behavior with my sweet little devil but why should I expect a two year old to act like an adult? The world would be a much better place if we understand and respect our children's limitations. I will try to not feel judged now that I know it's not just my kid.